Give Up On Your Habits

I’ve always been stiff in every sense of the word, but mainly in relation to my physical body.

My low point came when, in a weird turn of events, my psychiatrist asked me to attempt to touch my toes. I struggled to get past my knees when he muttered, “Hm, you shouldn’t be that stiff.”

Thanks, doc.

If my psychiatrist was calling out my lack of flexibility, I figured I should try to do something about it.

I set out on a quest to try yoga. I got to work early every morning and did a yoga session in my office. I got a unique sense of enjoyment from stretching my body in ways that felt like I could snap off an appendage at any moment. I told all my friends how much I enjoyed my yoga routine.

Then, I just stopped. I can’t remember why, and I don’t think there was some significant reason. Life got busy, and yoga got sent to the sideline.

When I reflect on that experience, it is easy to see myself as a failure—as someone who didn’t have the discipline to be a healthy person. That would be true if good habits were a scarce resource. Hoarded by those psychos who wake up at 4 AM, have never touched a granule of sugar, and run a marathon every day.

But they aren’t.

There are millions of good habits. Yoga didn’t work for me, but there were 999,999,999 other healthy habits I could try.

We’re naturally inclined to some habits. How you were raised, the area you live in, and the people you hang out with push you towards certain habits over others. It might be painless to wake up early every morning if you’re a morning person. It might be equally as grueling to avoid sugar if you work at an ice cream shop.

You’ll only know which habits you can stick with by trying a lot of them.

You don’t need habit stacking, you don’t need Pavlovian reinforcement, and you certainly don’t need to read another book about it.

You just need to try more things. A lot more. Then, shamelessly quit the ones that feel like a never-ending struggle.

Try cold showers every morning, walks with friends every afternoon, reading every night, keto at every meal, and volunteering every Saturday. You won’t stick with all these habits. It would be way too much. Continue the ones that work, and let go of those that don’t.

Stop trying to wake up early if it’s a miserable experience. Give up on being a part of the 5 AM club and put effort into one of the other million good habits you could have.

I love running. I think everyone should try it. But if you try it and hate it, then don’t run. Do something else. Running isn’t magical; there are plenty of other ways to exercise.

Can’t stand journaling after a couple of weeks? Throw your notebook in the trash.

I tried yoga in March, time blocking in April, waking up at 5 AM in June, and cycling in July.

I’m not doing a single one of them right now.

But that’s not important. What’s important are the habits I’ve stuck to. I read at a coffee shop every Monday night, I’ve lifted weights every week for almost two years, and I created a notetaking habit in 2019 that I still use every day.

My psychiatrist would probably still judge my lack of flexibility, but he wouldn’t be able to judge my biceps or my book notes.

Try things that interest you, and try a lot of them. Then, joyfully let go of the ones that don’t work. The more shots you take at the target, the more likely you’ll hit the bullseye.